Random Blurbs!
by Pie in the Face
Summary: Random, funny blurbs. What more can I say? The exclamation mark is even calling out to you!
1. Facebook, Cell Phones, and Ads

**A/N: So my muse won't start for my other stories so I thought I'd give a try at a parody. Anyways these are random blurbs. The characters are almost always OOC… but it's my first shot at humor.**

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~ONE~**

"Arya?"

"Yes mother?"

"Who's this?" asked Islanzadí while holding up a picture of a blonde elf.

"Er.. He's Legolas."

"He's not an elf that I know."

"Yeah, that's because we met on Facebook. He says he lives in a place called Mirkwood in a land called Middle Earth." Arya paused and put on a 'I'm-helplessly-in-love' face and said," He's sooo dreamy. And he's a prince and I'm a princess. We're _made_ for each other."

"What? Like Barbie and Ken?" asked Islanzadí sarcastically.

**~TWO~**

"How old are you?" asked Eragon.

"It's very rude to ask a woman her age," said Arya.

"Will you just answer the question! You're ruining the moment!"

"Fine. One-hundred."

"How long have you been 100?" asked Eragon.

"A while. See I was born on a leap year…"

**~THREE~**

"You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Nasuada Nightstalker. The creatures are REAL. The cases are REAL. The rulings are FINAL."

**~FOUR~**

"How are we going to capture the last egg?" asked Nasuada. The room was silent.

"42?" asked Eragon.

**~FIVE~**

"You shall die!" yelled Galbatorix.

"No, you shall die!" yelled Eragon as their swords clashed.

_Ring. Ring._

"One sec. I have to take this. It'll only be a minute," said Eragon. "Hello? Arya! Did you get the last dragon egg? No. Really? Come on! You're kidding me! Really? No. Oh my gosh, really? No, really?"

Galbatorix growled. "Oh, sorry. I gotta go. I'm using up all my minutes and I have to battle. Ok. No, I love you more. Buh-bye!" Eragon put the cell phone in his pocket that randomly appeared. "Now where were we? Right. I shall bring peace!" They were about to start battling again when…

_Ring. Ring._

"I promise you. Last time. I'll turn it off after this," said Eragon. "Hey, Arya. Honey, I'm a bit busy right now. Yeah. I'm fighting Galbatorix. Yeah. He was all like, 'You're going to die!' and I'm all, 'Nuh-uh!' and he was all 'Yuh-huh.'

A bolt of lightning flew from Galbatorix's finger and struck the phone.

"Aww, come on, man! I just got that iPhone like two days ago! Now I have to wait until Christmas so I can ask Santa for a new one!"

**~SIX~**

"Do I _have_ to?" groaned Murtagh.

"Yes. Now come on! Cheer up! You can't stay emo forever, Murty," said Eragon.

"My name isn't M-"

_5,4,3,2_

"Hi! I'm Eragon!"

"And I'm Murtagh," he grumbled.

"We're interrupting your show, _Dragons vs. Werecats_, to bring you this message," said Eragon. A Pillow Pet randomly appeared in his hands.

"It's a pillow, it's a pet. It's a Pillow Pet!"

**~SEVEN~**

"Eragon," said Arya trying to wake the sleeping rider. A purring noise escaped his lips. "Did you just purr?"

"What?" asked Eragon as we woke up.

"I heard you purring."

"Oh, sorry. Sometimes my cat- I mean dragon- takes over my body."

**~EIGHT~**

"What do you do? You just keep flying, flying, flying," sang Eragon.

**~NINE~**

"Oh. My. Gosh!" yelled a fan girl. "I can't believe it! A real life vampire! His eyes are red, he sparkles, and he has fangs!" she yelled while pointing at Thorn.

**~TEN~**

"I'm just so sad after Glaedr and Oromis' deaths," said Eragon to Roran.

"I know just the thing to cheer you up. One minute," said Roran and left. A few moments later, he came back wearing a banana suit. "IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!"

**A/N: I just thought of these things at like 2am… so yeah… anyways. Review if you want. Tell me your fav(s) or give me a suggestion.**


	2. Math, Character Confusion, and Gnomes

**A/N: Alright, I'll continue… for now. Thanks to kookookarli, Arya the Forensic one, and dominicthewise for reviewing! And thank you to those who put me on alerts! Also, a big thanks to Majide Bunny for putting me on favs.**

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~ELEVEN~**

"Ajihad!"

"What? There a religious war?"

"No not a jihad. Ajihad, the Varden leader."

**~TWELVE~**

*in the very (times infinity) badly made movie Eragon*

"That's your huge sword wound?" asked Eragon.

"Shut it! I needed an excuse to take off my shirt. The fan girls go crazy when I do."

**~THIRTEEN~**

"Answer this question an you win ONE MILLION DOLLARS! What's 1+1?"

"Uhh." started Eragon.

"You have ten seconds." Jeopardy music starts playing.

"Time is up. Your answer."

"Pie?"

**~FOURTEEN~**

"Why are there dolls in your tent, Eragon?" asked Arya.

"THEY'RE NOT DOLLS! THEY'RE ACTION FIGURES!"

**~FIFTEEN~**

"Do doo do doo Eragon's world. Do doo do doo Eragon's world. He loves his veggies and dragon too, that's Eragon's world!"

**~SIXTEEN~**

"Clear your mind you must. And use magic you will," said Oromis.

"This is impossible!" shouted Anakin- I mean Eragon.

"Patience young dragon rider."

**~SEVENTEEN~**

"Does this tunic make me look fat?" asked Galby.

**~EIGHTEEN~**

"Come on, boy," said Brom.

"My name isn't 'boy'. It's Eragon. Say it with me. Er-a-gon."

"Whatever. Come on, boy."

**~NINETEEN~**

"Eragon! Help!" yelled Arya.

"I'm coming Arwen!" yelled Aragorn.

"No. I said _Era_gon. And my name is _Arya_."

"Oh."

**~TWENTY~**

"Orik?" asked Eragon.

"Yes?" replied Orik.

"Will you be my garden gnome?"

**A/N: I'd love to hear from you guys so give me a review! Tell me your fav(s) or give me a suggestion!**


	3. McDonald's and Galbatorix's Closet

**A/N: Yet another installment of **_**Random Blurbs!**_**. Thanks to my reviewers: Arya the Forensic one, Writer of the North, and eikka492. Also thanks to my alerters. And a big thanks to Arya the Forensic one for putting me on favs. **

**Oh and my reply to my anonymous reviewer, eikka492: Oh gosh, I get these ideas from my messed up brain! Yes and I was expecting a lot of people to say "WTF?" because they are totally random like me! But that is why they it's called **_**Random**_** Blurbs.**

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~TWENTY ONE~**

Saphira flew into the "Fly Thru" at Burger King. "Hello. Welcome to Burger King. What can I get you?

_I'll have 80 burgers, 25 large fries, 45 large Cokes, and a Happy Meal toy._

"Would you like to super size that?"

_Yes, please!_

**~TWENTY TWO~**

_Eragon. Come fly with me._

"No! It's the voices!"

**~TWENTY THREE~**

"I want my intimidating cape!" whined Galbatorix

"It's in the wash, sire."

"But I want it NOW!"

**~TWENTY FOUR~**

"Saphira! Come here girl! Come on! Eragon's got a deer leg for you. Come on!" yelled Eragon.

Saphira landed in from of Eragon and said, _I'm not a-_ but was cut off when Eragon started scratching her behind the horns. A humming noise was replaced by the rest of the sentence.

**~TWENTY FIVE~**

"May I asked a question?" asked Murtagh.

"Make it quick," replied Galbatorix.

"Why is the last dragon egg less secure than your shoe closet?"

**~TWENTY SIX~**

"I believe I can fly!" yelled Eragon

**~TWENTY SEVEN~**

_Saphira, help. I need to make a speech right now. I didn't practice beforehand!_ said Eragon as he looked nervously at the crowd in front of him.

Saphira extended a giant claw and placed a Twix bar in the rider's hands. _Chew it over with Twix_.

**~TWENTY EIGHT~**

A random person ran up to Saphira and muzzled her. As the person was running away, you could hear them saying, "Only you can prevent wildfires!"

**~TWENTY NINE~**

_You need to get some fresh air, Eragon,_ said Saphira.

_Just five more minutes_, replied Eragon.

_Get your lazy rider butt outside, or you won't get to have your sword for two days!_

_Fine. I'll go, mom._

**~THIRTY~**

"Here's your Happy Meal sire." Galbatorix snatched the red and yellow box out of the servant's hands and looked inside.

"WHAT?" screamed Galbatorix. "Where is my toy!" Suddenly, one of the many McDonalds in Alagaesia burst into flames.

"This is so not worth minimum wage," said the teenage worker as he ran for his life from the burning McDonalds.

**A/N: What do you think of my random concoction of… stuff (for lack of a better word). Did you hate them? Like them? Tell me your fav(s) or give me a suggestion!**


	4. Apples, The Underworld, and Heights

**A/N: Thanks to all who reviewed! (Too lazy too put names up) Also thanks to my alerters and big thanks to everyone who put me on their favs! Sorry for the wait.**

**And to my anonymous reviewers: **

**Isis: Me luves chocolate too! And I love the books, and of course think that the movie was butchered beyond belief. I too have a Gollum personality.**

**Rainchecker: Alright, I'm not that much of a Murtagh fan, but I'll try to sneak some in there. The Angela thing sounds good, I may use it in later ones!**

**Ryu Nakome: Glad you like it!**

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~THIRTY ONE~**

"It's too loud! I can't think!" said Eragon.

_What's so important? Most of the time it doesn't matter what you are thinking_, said Saphira.

"Errr," started Eragon. "Actually I guess it's not _that _important." _Arya is hawt. Arya is hawt. Arya is hawt. Arya is hawt. Arya is hawt. Arya is hawt. SQUIRREL! Arya is hawt. Arya is hawt. Arya is hawt. Arya is hawt. COOKIES! Arya is hawt. Arya is hawt…_

**~THIRTY TWO~**

Galbatorix had his sword pointed at Eragon's neck and magical bonds holding the young rider in place. Galbatorix started to laugh evilly, but in the middle of all the lighting and thunder effects, he started coughing and making choking sounds. Galbatorix cleared his throat and said, "I'm getting to old for that."

**~THIRTY THREE~**

"Aren't you a little young to be a dragon rider?" asked Ajihad.

"Yes, yes I am," replied Eragon.

**~THIRTY FOUR~**

All I can think of are apples," said Eragon in the middle of a war meeting. "I think I'm having a craving."

"What?" asked Nasuada.

Eragon made an apple appear in his hand. He took a bit and spit it out. "Yuck! I hate apples!"

"But you just said-" started a commander.

"I need…" started Eragon, ignoring the fact that everyone was giving him 'you-are-insane' stares. "I need… custard! Oh! And… fish sticks!"

There and then Nasuada got a personal councilor for Eragon.

**~THIRTY FIVE~**

_Please stow all your carry on items in the side compartments or under your saddle. Please keep your seat belt on at all times, smoking is prohibited. Thank you for flying 'Saphira Air'. Enjoy the flight!_

**~THIRTY SIX~**

Galbatorix and Sauron were in a form of the afterlife. They were waiting in line for some ice cream when…

"I'm eviler than you!" yelled Galbatorix at Sauron.

"Are you talking to me?" asked Sauron.

"Yeah. You," said Galbatorix and pointed a black gloved finger at Sauron.

"I am the most famous and well known antagonist out there. Thus making me the evilest," said Sauron haughty. "Besides, you got defeated by an under aged teenager. Plus you need glowing balls to make you powerful. Now get your dirty finger out of my evil face."

Galbatorix lowered his hand, but wasn't going to stand by and let his ego and reputation get hurt. "Yeah, well you first got destroyed by a _broken_ blade. Then your petty little tower crumbled when a short person and a cubby short person threw a _wedding ring_ into the fire!" yelled Galbatorix.

Sauron took a armored hand and slapped Galbatorix across the face.

"Oh no you didn't!" screamed Galbatorix.

**~THIRTY SEVEN~**

"So, what do you do in your free time, Murtagh?" asked Eragon.

"I'm a Plummer."

"Really?"

"Yeah. See," said Murtagh. He took out an oversized red cap. It had a white circle with a black M in the center. Then Murtagh took out a black Mustache and said. "It's me, Murtagh!"

**~THIRTY EIGHT~**

"I have a very important question, Eragon," said Arya.

"What?" asked Eragon.

"Should I buy the green tunic or the black tunic?"

**~THIRTY NINE~**

"Nazgul!" yelled Eragon.

"What?" asked Roran.

"I mean Letherbalka and Ra'zac!"

**~FORTY~**

_I have a confession, Eragon._

_What is it Saphira?_

_I'm afraid of heights._

**A/N: A cookie as big as Saphira for the first to tell me the reference I made in thirty four! You know the drill! Review! Tell me your fav(s) or give me a suggestion!**


	5. Ducks, YouTube, and Plot Holes

**A/N: Thanks to my amazing reviewers: Snoringkitty, dominicthewise, LifeStyleError, Sinitar, Restrained. Freedom, Shurtugal-Koma, kookookarli, R4B1D MO053, linguisticsrock, Dautr abr du Sundavar, Amara Calla, me myself and I, Lvl14BElfMage, shadowed breath, and Leedle-leedle-lee. Thanks to those who put my on alerts! A big thanks to my favorite-rs! …I never really thought that my randomness would get 44 reviews…**

**And to my anonymous reviewers:**

**Snoringkitty: Thanks! I'm glad that you think it's funny!**

**Me myself and I: Thanks. And I've never actually seen that show…**

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~FORTY ONE~**

Eragon mounted Saphira to go for a flight. Eragon raised Brisingr and said, "To infinity and beyond!"

**~FORTY TWO~**

Galbatorix was sitting on his throne. He was mad to say the least. "They stole it from us! Those nasty dragon riders. They stole my precious. They will pay, yes my precious."

**~FORTY THREE~**

Arya fell down and her sword fell in front of her. She reached out and her fingers were like an inch away from the pommel.

Eragon appeared and said, "You have to walk like you can see!"

**~FORTY FOUR~**

Arya, Eragon, and Saphira were sitting on the banks of Leona Lake.

"Did you know that this lake used to be home to many ducks?" asked Arya.

"Well… the real question is: 'How do you know it's a duck pond?'"

**~FORTY FIVE~**

"Why me?" asked Eragon.

_It's because you're adopted._

**~FORTY SIX~**

"Thorn is better than Saphira!" yelled Murtagh.

"Two camels in a camels in a tiny car!" yelled Eragon back.

**~FORTY SEVEN~**

"Muuuurrrrtagghhh! You have to come to Candy Mountain!"

"Yeah Murtagh! Candy Mountain! It's a land of sweets and jooooyyy and jooooyyyy-ness."

"You know there's no Candy Mountain, right?"

"Shun the non-believers."

"Shun."

"Sssshhhhhuuuuuuuunnnnnn."

**~FORTY EIGHT~**

Eragon and Saphira were confronting the king. Both of them seem to have drunk too much alcohol before the battle and they were attacking the dark king with words rather than metal and magic.

"Eragon…" started Arya.

"No, no," said Eragon, pausing to hiccup. "I've got this."

"Your mamma was so fat that-"

_-she crushed your first castle-_

"-and you had to build-"

-_another one._

Both rider and dragon broke out in laughter. "That wasn't even funny!" yelled Arya.

"But…" started Galbatorix. "But it's true!" Galbatorix broke out in tears.

"Oh yeah!" yelled Eragon and gave a high five to the air. His hand made contact with nothing and he fell down. "Haha... Pure gold!" Eragon took out his flask and give a big long swig.

Arya slapped her forehead with her palm and mumbled, "This is why I rejected you… twice."

**~FORTY NINE~**

"We have a problem! Right wing failure! Mede! Mede! Flight ES2 is going down!"

_Eragon, we've already landed. Just pull the arrow out._

**~FIFTY~**

(In the very bad Eragon movie…)

"I need to rescue the dancing elf!" said Eragon.

"You'll need to fly!" replied Brom.

"Ok! Where'd my dragon go?"

_I'm right here._

"But you look like a cat!"

_No I don't! Just climb on. We shall rescue the elf that you find very attractive!_

Eragon and Saphira took off to Gil'ead. "Wait! You left withou- Barzul! Ah well. I'm just going to run faster than a dragon and save Eragon's life by jumping in front of a spear. But I won't bother to use magic to save him. Plus neither Eragon, Arya, or Saphira will use magic to try to save me while I lay dying. Even though Saphira can use magic after I die to make a pretty little diamond tomb," Brom sighed and took off running.

**A/N: I've reached the nice round number of fifty! Yay!**

**Too much YouTube… it's riddled though my blurbs this time….**

**Review, tell me your fav(s) or give me a suggestion!**


	6. Bonus! AxE

**A/N: Hey guys! This is a bonus chapter! I've gotten 50 reviews at my 50th blurb! This isn't a set of blurbs, just a (maybe) humorous version of Eragon telling Arya of his love for her. **

**(If Luvergirlof books is reading this, look at the bottom A/N to see my response to your reviews)**

**Let the show begin!**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its respectful owners.**

Eragon was on his knees in some romantic place. The setting was romantic too, the sun was setting (I guess that's as cliché romance you can get). Eragon was rambling on trying to be smooth and appealing to Arya, just hoping that she would accept him.

"Eragon, I told you that this cannot be."

"But- but"

"Eragon, I am a Princess, I'm-"

"Much older than you and have much more experience. I loved Faolin. Yadi- yadi- yah. I know all of your excuses to yourself, Arya!"

After a short silence, Arya said, "Eragon what are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that a blind man can see that you think that I'm more than just a friend!"

"Um…"

"Now I'm going to have to do something heroic for you. Let's see what I can do, sacrifice myself so you can steal the last egg, jump in front of a blade, what else? Do you have any ideas?"

"Eragon..."

"Oh, that's right, I'm being tortured in book four so I guess that says something!"

"Eragon, has the little voice gotten to your head?"

"NO!" yelled Eragon. "SHUT UP MR. PAOLINI! I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!"

"Eragon… Who is Paolini?"

"He told me what's going to happen."

"He's a future seer?"

"No, he's the supreme ruler of all that happens in our world!"

"I'm worried about you."

"Well Paolini says I'm supposed to wait…"

"…"

"I love you too, Arya!" said Eragon as he ran away into the night.

**A/N: Please review! This wasn't as funny as I thought it would turn out, but whatever! And here is my response to Luvergirlof books:**

**Luvergirlof books:** Alright, I'm going to start with saying "Thanks for reviewing" and "I'm glad you like my random blurbs and find them to be funny."

Now I'm going to see if I can be as nice as possible... I'm not sure if you've heard of a trilogy called Lord of the Rings by J.R.R Tolkien. It is absolutely my favorite book/movies in the world! As most Inheritance fans know, it's apparent that Paolini has 'barrowed' a lot of Tolkien's ideas.

Anyways, if you remember where Sauron came from, you can just skip this crash course I've written below.

Antagonists of Lord of the Rings Crash Course

Sauron is the main antagonist in the LOTR trilogy. Although there are others, like Saruman, that are significant, Sauron is the biggest antagonist. I won't go into the history of him, right now, or I'll end up having this note be as long as the chapter itself.

Frodo Baggins is a hobbit goes on quest to destroy this evil ring that Sauron made many many years ago. The ring is called the One Ring. The whole purpose of the book is for Frodo and his best friend, (I guess you could call him that) Samwise Gamgee, to destroy the ring by casting it in the fire of Mount Doom. That's where "your petty tower crumbled when a short person and a short chubby person threw a wedding ring in the fire" came from.

Sauron first got defeated by a broken blade then came back as a huge, fiery eye ("You first got defeated by a broken blade."). The "wedding ring" is a joke on saying that the One Ring is a stupid ring with no power, when it is the total opposite.

I am also diminishing the vast power that Tolkien portrayed Sauron to have. The same with Paolini's picture of Galbatorix.

~CRASH COURSE OVER~

All in all, I assumed that everyone knew about Lord of the Rings, I hope that you do, and just forgot where Sauron came from… but if you want to know more about Lord of the Rings, Sauron or some other amazing characters like Legolas Greenleaf (my personal favorite character) or Aragorn son of Arathorn (very close second favorite character), just "Google" (or which ever search engine you use) their names or type in "Lord of the Rings."

~Pie in the Face


	7. Presents, RPS, and Bad Dreams

**A/N: Thanks to my reviewers, my alert-ers and my favorite-ers!**

"At the airport bound for New Zealand. Saw mistletoe hanging above the conveyor belt so I kissed my luggage goodbye." ~Adam Young

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~FIFTY ONE~**

"Hey! Murty!"

"Eragon! I told you not to call me that!"

"Whatever Murty. What present did you get for me? Huh? Huh?"

"Here," grumbled Murtagh.

"Oooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo"

"Shut up and open the box!" growled Murtagh.

"Yay! It's a something! Here's your gift, Murty!"

Murtagh opened the box. "Aww, that's my 45th new pair of socks…."

**~FIFTY TWO~**

"I want that and that and that!" said Eragon.

"That'll be-" the merchant was cut off as Eragon scooped up his "things" and left a moth on the counter. "Hey! That stuff coasts money!" yelled the shop keeper.

"Now don't be greedy. Take the moth," said Eragon and simply left the shop.

**~FIFTY THREE~**

"Eragon! Give me my sword! I need to fight Urgals!" yelled Murtagh as the two played tug-o'-war with it. (Don't ask me how they're not getting cut)

"No! Must…. Ogle… reflection."

**~FIFTY FOUR~**

Nasuada, Arya, Eragon, Murtagh, and Orik were all sitting in the council room. A thick silence was in the air.

"Awkward Turtle!" yelled Eragon, making his hand turtle swim around the room.

"Awkward Starfish!" yelled Murtagh in return. He spread his fingers on his right hand and slapped Orik in the face.

Another awkward silence swept over the group. "…" went Arya.

"…" went Nasuada.

"dot dot dot," said Eragon.

"You're not supposed to say it out loud!" yelled Murtagh.

**~FIFTY FIVE~**

"Rock, paper scissors," said Nasuada and Orrin in unison.

"Ha! Rock crushes scissors!" shouted Orrin just as Murtagh, Eragon, Thorn, and Saphira were walking up.

"Hey look, Murty!" said Eragon.

"Don't call-"

"Whatever Murty." Eragon looked at Nasuada and Orrin. "Wanna see how _real_ "Rock, Paper, Scissors" is played?"

"Umm," started Nasuada.

Ignoring Nasuada's attempt at a response, the two riders started. "Rock, paper, scissors…. FLAMETHROWER!" The two riders stepped aside as their dragons torched fire at each other.

"Ha! Saphira _clearly_ beat Thorn!" yelled Eragon.

"No! Thorn most _definitely _won!" shouted Murtagh.

"STOP! Look, I don't care who won. Just fix all of these burnt tents!" said Nasuada waving her arms around the burnt area of the Varden's camp.

"Ooops," said the two riders.

"Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who fixes this mess?"

**~FIFTY SIX~**

As Eragon entered the throne room of King Galbatorix, Eragon screamed like the little girl he is. "There's a caterpillar on your lip!"

"Is my mustache really _that_ bad?"

**~FIFTY SEVEN~**

"Come one Eragon! Let's go to the bar!" said Murtagh.

"Ok…."

Murtagh sat down with a big pint of ale. Eragon's eyes widened. "It comes in pints?"

**~FIFTY EIGHT~**

"Ok so I'm just going to walk into Galbatorix's castle after all of this?" asked Eragon.

"One does not simply walk into Uru'baen," said Arya.

**~FIFTY NINE~**

"My darling would you like a piece of cake?" asked Eragon. Arya's eyes lit up and she began to devour the cake. "Eat it slower, more lady-like for goodness sake."

**~SIXTY~**

"No! The sheep don't belong in the lake!" shouted Eragon in his sleep. "Get the cactus out of the pool! It can't get dry!"

**A/N: Any Favs? Ok, everybody knows what I'm going to say: REVIEW! You guys are amazing! 64 reviews! Nice!**

**Now, I bet everyone reading this that they don't know where Eragon's dialogue in fifty-nine came from. Hint: It's a song. There's no real prize, just some fun to see who is a die-hard fan of Adam Young :) (There I go with another hint)**

**Have a nice day, keep it PG, and eat a piece of pie.**


	8. Fandom Mix-up and Showering in the Rain

**A/N: Hello! Anyone still here? Paolini has certainly taken his time on Inheritance**_**, **_**the fourth book! I can't wait for November 8! Anyways, sorry for the big delay in updating (haven't updated any of my other stories either….) but I took a long vacation from reality and now I'm back! I do think I left some of my muse though…. No matter… And for any of you who are still wondering where Eragon got his dialogue from in 59, it's from the song "Prom Night" by The Perfect Theory, funny, great song…**

**Enjoy! Oh, and again thanks to all of my reviewers, favorite-ers, and alert-ers! Seven more reviews 'till I hit 100! Thanks to all of you!**

"Today I wanted to twirl my mustache to suggest to everyone how deep in thought I was but I don't actually have a mustache." ~Adam Young~

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to their rightful owners.

**~SIXTY ONE~**

"Brisingr!" yelled Vanir as Eragon and him were having a magical battle.

"Expelliarmus!" yelled Eragon in response and the fire vanished.

"Hey! That's not supposed to work in this book!" pouted Vanir.

**~SIXTY TWO~**

"Eragon, you look so depressed," commented Roran as they sat around a fire.

"Well, I'm just not sure that I can save all of Alagaesia by defeating Galbatorix and getting Arya to like me in the end. Plus figuring out what in Alagaesia that stupid fur ball meant with his idiotic riddles," replied Eragon.

"Here," said Roran as he tossed Eragon a cough drop.

"What's this?" asked a puzzled Eragon.

"Halls: There's a pep talk in every drop."

**~SIXTY THREE~**

The Varden's and Galbatorix's armies were facing off. Eragon was on top of Saphira. He brandished his sword and took a deep breath. "For Narnia!" yelled Eragon.

"Wrong place again, Eragon!" yelled Arya from down on the ground.

"Barzul," grumbled Eragon. _What are we called again, Saphira?_

**~SIXTY FOUR~**

"Greetings, Eragon-vodhr," said an elf as he passed him by. Eragon stopped in his tracks.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm a _dragon rider_. I think I deserve to be honored more than just _middling_ praise."

**~SIXTY FIVE~**

The meeting room was quite. Eragon started to tap his fingers on the table in a catchy way. Nasuada joined in and Orin was soon to follow. Saphira was beating her tail on the ground and Arya grudgingly joined into the song. Once everyone in the room was helping, Eragon burst into song. This went on for a few minutes until the whole room went back to the boring stillness like nothing happened.

Eragon took out a crumpled piece of paper labeled "Bucket List" and crossed something off. "Breaking into spontaneous song and dance—check."

**~SIXTY SIX~**

"Hey, look Saphira!" exclaimed Eragon as he pointed to a sign in the middle of the Varden's camp.

_What is it little one?_

"Hmm.. let's see... It has a rule posted here..."

_NO hitting people with sticks._

"WHAT!" yelled Eragon. "Now what can I do in my free time?"

**~SIXTY SEVEN~**

"I'm makin' lasagna! Yummy, yummy lasagna," sung Eragon as he layered his lasagna with tons of cheese.

"Hey Eragon, can I have some lasagna?" asked Arya sweetly as she reached out to poke it.

"NO! My yummy lasagna!" growled Eragon as he swatted Arya's hand away. "I'm makin' lasagna..."

**~SIXTY EIGHT~**

Arya found a note wedged into her door frame in the morning. She started to read it.

_Dear Arya,_

_I know this is the third time you have rejected me. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong (even though you've made it very clear), but I'd like you to know that I'm not at all mad at you. But the trees are mad at you for me. If they had eyes, they'd be glaring at you._

_Love… sorry, Best regards,_

_Eragon._

"Well that's slightly disturbing," muttered Arya.

_P.S. I hope this is only slightly disturbing. Otherwise, I'll come over and erase this from your memory._

**~SIXTY NINE~**

"Eragon, wake up!" yelled Arya for the nth time.

_I know what to do!_ said Saphira. _ERAGON! _She roared and then reduced her thoughts to a whisper when her roar yielded no results. _I have chocolate pancakes._

Eragon bolted right up. "CHOCOLATE PANCAKES!... Wait, where are they?"

"Sorry, we just needed you to get up," said Arya.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww," whimpered Eragon.

**~SEVENTY~**

As Eragon sat in his tent, he started to hear it rain. Eragon immediately flew out of his seat, spilling ink on all his important documents and bolted out of the tent with a bottle of shampoo in his hand.

"Shower time!" shouted Eragon as he started to soap his hair. (Yes, his clothes are still on for you fan girls that have an overactive fantasy brains)

Suddenly, the rain stopped as Eragon was getting the last of the soap out of his hair. "Barzul! I always hate when that happens!"

**A/N: You know what to do! Review! Thanks!**

**Oh, and yes, I am aware that this was pretty much Eragon-centric, but I had a bunch of Murtagh last time… Oh, I'll try to balance it out next time. I'm just hoping that next time will come sooner… but when I say that it won't… oh whatever...**

**~Today, your personality will be that of 7UP—ridiculously bubbly!~**


	9. Captain Aspirations and Old Phenomena

**A/N: I must apologize for disappearing off of the face of the internet… Well, it's around 1:15am and I cannot seem to get to sleep… I'm half out of a dream state, so please excuse any over-the-top weirdness…**

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~SEVENTY ONE~**

"Eragon, please live," whispered Arya to a badly injured rider

"Arya, I know all of the fans want you to show your true colors, but you don't need to. Paolini has too much of a character shield over me for me to die, duh!" scoffed Eragon before immediately losing consciousness again.

Arya sighed as she mumbled words of healing over his wounds. "He has got to stop talking as if there is a god that controls everything. And this date that Eragon keeps saying: November 8th. November 8th? What is November anyways?"

**~SEVENTY TWO~**

Angela turned to Eragon as she said, "Did you know that the type of tea someone asks for says a lot about them."

The rider raised an eyebrow. "Really?" She nodded.

Eragon looked thoughtful. "Then I'll have Tea. Earl Grey. Hot."

**~SEVENTY THREE~**

Eragon… the Final Free rider. These are the adventures of the blue rider. His continuing mission: to explore strange new magic, to seek out Arya's love and new dragons, to boldly go where no teenager has gone before.

**~SEVENTY FOUR~**

_Little one, my brain hurts. Why are you thinking so hard?_

_Saphira! You have to help me! I can't find anything that thymes with orange!_

_There is no such word…_

_But there's got to be! _shouted Eragon as he started to bang his head on the wall. Saphira blinked a giant eye in annoyance.

_I sometimes wonder what I felt in you in my egg._

**~SEVENTY FIVE~**

Murtagh was standing in front of a mirror in his chambers. He was brandishing Zar'roc. _Thorn, I just don't know. You really think I should stick with red? I've always felt like more of a purple kind of guy…_

_Well do have a dazzling ruby red, magnificent dragon so I think you have to like red._

_I still don't know…_

**~SEVENTY SIX~**

Nasuada was standing outside a cave where the last egg was. It was surrounded by many soldiers. Nasuada turns to her small group of attackers and said, "Ok guys, this egg has given us a lot of trouble in the past. Does anybody need anything off these Urgals or can we bypass him?

Roran looked around with shifty as he slowly said, "Uhh, I think Eragon needs something from these guys."

Nasuada looked very puzzled but said, "Oh, does he need new swords, but, isn't he a magic user?

Roran frowned, "Yeah, but it's easier, besides, he'll keep more energy in case of an emergency."

Nasuada sighed, "Great. OK, uhh well what we'll do: I'll run in first. Uh, gather up the egg, we can kinda just, ya know blast them all down with some magic. Um, we can all scatter them so we don't have to fight 'em all at once. Uhh, we're gonna need some sort of Divine Intervention from our Shadeslayers, uhh so they can, uhh, kill a few of them. I mean, we'll be in trouble if we don't take them down quick. Uhh I think this is a pretty good plan, we should be able to pull it off this time. Uhh, what do you think Arya? Can you give me a number crunch real quick?

Arya nodded and said, "Uhhh.. yeah gimme a sec," she closed her eyes and concentrated on the numbers. "I'm coming up with thirty-two point three three, repeating of course, percentage, of survival."

Nasuada's face showed contemplation before saying, "That's a lot better than we usually do, uhh, alright, you think we're ready guys?"

Eragon was ignoring the whole conversation as he was just staring at Arya. Eragon snapped back into reality and yelled, "All right chums, I'm ready! Let's do this! ERRAGOOON SHADESLAAAYERR!" Eragon ran past everyone brandishing Brisingr.

There was a short pause amongst the group.

Arya stood, a look of astonishment passed her face, "Oh my goodness. He just ran in!" She ran after him.  
Nasuada snapped out of her shock and yelled, "Save him! Oh jeez, stick to the plan. Oh jeez, let's go, let's go! Stick to the plan guys, stick to the plan!"

Roran looked freaked out as his hammer was moving slowly through the air. "I can't move!"

Eragon had the egg in his hand as he was shouting, "We got it! We got it! I got it, I got it!"

Nasuada screamed, "Goddamnit Eragon! Goddamn it... We gotta get out of here!:

The group fled. After they were well away, Roran and Arya said almost in unison. "Eragon, you moron!

Eragon started crying. "It's not my fault!"

Arya looked Eragon straight in the eyes. "Great job, Eragon. You are as stupid as a rock."

Eragon spluttered. "Well, well. ... At least I have chicken..."

Arya frowned. "You're a vegetarian!"

**~ SEVENTY SEVEN~**

"Oh my gosh! It's Brom!" yelled Eragon.

"Nope. It's just Chuck Testa."

**~ SEVENTY EIGHT~**

Eragon was standing at the gates of Uru-Baen. The entire Varden was behind him. His sword was raised, poised to signal the army forward. With a final battle cry, Eragon shouted, "For Frodo!"

**~ SEVENTY NINE~**(Credit to Hawk531)

"Anything you can do I can do better, I can do anything better than you!" yelled Saphira.

"No you can't!" yelled Shruikan.

"Yes I can!"

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can!"

"No you can't!"

"Yes I can, Yes I caaaann!" she yelled as she charged at him.

He roasted her before she even got close.

**~ EIGHTY~**

Brom was wearing a black cape and mask, breathing very heavily. Eragon looked scared. "I am your father!"

**A/N: Hope you liked it… I'm in a slump of reference ideas… I mean, I resorted to Leeroy Jenkins. So if you have a suggestion. Drop it in a review. Tell me which ones you liked/didn't like. How was your day? What's your favorite color? Anything is fine. I'll listen to a strange conspiracy theory or your life story.**


	10. Therapy, 4th Book Blues, and Resolutions

**A/N: No, I didn't die tragically in a Christmas tree fire or have a heart attack after reading the end of **_**Inheritance**_**… or any other thing. I was just lazy… and kinda busy... I'm now back! And hopefully I will update MUCH sooner. But of course, it seems I can't uphold my promises, seeing my last update happened on 09-28-11…**

**But as a lovely New Year's present I have here an update!**

**Thanks to everyone who is still sticking with me! You are much appreciated!**

**Thanks to the reviewers from last chapter: IronMikeTyson, Restrained. Freedom, Arussiaanbashy, Nict, NormalityIsNonexistent, The M. H. T. of R, IncWeaverabc, Dail-of-the-air, Lilmissy97, Dolphins8833, Dolphins9763, Bromine **(has someone been watching Deragon or is it just a coincidence?), **Coralinekey, nicky333**

**And replies to my anonymous reviewers:**

**Guest:** Well there is always a chance that Eragon will go bald, become British and Murtagh will grow a beard, pick up the trombone, and fall in love with a counselor… always a chance…

The problem with "For Aslan" is that I've already done that (well it was "For Narnia") in number 63.

I guess not…. He was all stupid and tried to jump over the river….

**Arussianbashy**: Here's a sonic screwdriver for all of your enthusiasm. : )

**Lilmissy97**: As always, thanks!

**Dolphins883:** Thanks!

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~ EIGHTY ONE ~**

In a house a random guy with nothing to do starts to make up conspiracy theories…

"Dragon, Eragon. It's only one letter away!"

**~ EIGHTY TWO ~**

"Lemme at 'em! Lemme at 'em!" growled Orik, his fists flying into the air as Eragon nonchalantly held him stationary.

**~ EIGHTY THREE ~ **(A nod to**The M. H. T. of R**)

"Hey Angela!" shouted an overly excited Murtagh.

"What?" asked the herbalist, slightly annoyed.

"I want my fortune read!"

"Well seeing as to the war is over and I have no clandestine meetings to attend. Why not?" The two entered Angela's tent where the herbalist proceeded to get out the dragon knuckle bones and shake them. She looked at Murtagh and whispered, "May the odds be ever in your favor."

"Whoa, whoa," said Murtagh stopping Angela from throwing the knuckle bones. "What happened to those fancy ancient Language words? And I'm not going to fight to the death any time soon."

**~ EIGHTY FOUR ~**

"Race you!" yelled Eragon to Roran.

Roran nodded. "On the count of three."

Eragon started. "One... Two…" and he sped off.

"Hey!" exclaimed Roran as he reached the finish after Eragon. "That was _two_"

Eragon shrugged. "Sorry, Garrow wasn't _that_ good of a teacher."

**~ EIGHTY FIVE ~**

"Okay, okay. Ready for this one?" asked Eragon.

"No." the crowd in the tavern replied harshly.

"Yeah! Alright so a dragon and a dwarf walk into a bar…"

**~ EIGHTY SIX ~ **(Main idea credit to **dolphins9763**)

Morzan and Murtagh were sitting in their palace by the fire, both enveloped in that awkward silence that always came after their family counseling sessions.

"Murtagh," started Morzan.

"No! I don't want to hear it!" screamed Murtagh.

"But if you join me, together we can defeat Galbatorix and rule the GALAX—er… ALAGEASIA!

**~ EIGHTY SEVEN ~**

"What would you like?" asked Morn as he wiped the rag across the bar.

"Shh," snapped Eragon. "You never speak around the camera, remember?"

**~ EIGHTY EIGHT ~**

_I must gain more fame…_ thought Eragon.

_You are the slayer of Galbatorix, what more fame do you need?_ Asked Saphira.

"I need a cat!" exclaimed Eragon, a little light bulb weakly flickered over his head. _Saphira! I need you to dress up like a poptart!_

_What? No! And I'm not a cat!_

**~ EIGHTY NINE ~**

"I'm sorry," whispered Eragon to Arya as the ship continued to sail away.

"Why?" asked Arya.

"Because, Paolini—"

"No! Not this again!" Arya protested, followed by an exasperated sigh.

"Just listen to what I have to say." Arya rolled her eyes but remained silent.

"Paolini originally planned for us to sail away in the sunset like star crossed lovers. Now I _know_ you have feelings for me. Like I said, a blind targh, I mean shrrg, could tell but Paolini insisted that after a long period of relative solitude we could be together."

Arya gave Eragon the you-are-really-insane-look.

**~ NINETY ~**

"Alright guys! New year's resolution time!" Eragon smiled. "My New Year's resolution is to only use Brisingr to fight, not admire my reflection."

Murtagh sighed. "That's lame… My New Year's resolution is to get the guts to come out of isolation and ask for Nasuada's hand."

Nasuada rose an eyebrow in question, but proceeded to speak. "My New Year's resolution is to rule justly and get a new table for the throne room, that old one just doesn't bring the room together."

Arya shrugged. "I guess that is reasonable. My New Year's resolution is to not abandon all of my duties to search for Eragon a few years later after I discover my big mistake of letting him go." Eragon frowned. "I'll wait just a little bit longer." The rider resumed his goofy smiling.

Orik laughed. "That would require a lot of self-control. Well, my New Year's resolution is to beat an elf in a drinking contest. I lost last time… the only thing that stupid elf got was a tingle in his fingers… Oh I'll show him!"

Saphira snorted. _Ha! If only I could've seen! My New Year's resolution is to become less vain._

Thorn erupted in a whole hearted dragon laugh. _I doubt that! Well my New Year's resolution is to become stronger!_

Firnen yawned. _When Shrrgs fly! You're too lazy to even get up in the morning to hunt! My New Year's resolution is to get into more of Paolini's writings. I mean, I barely appeared!_

**A/N: Yes, you know what to do! You eat ice cream! … Errr I mean review, yes, **_**then**_** eat ice cream! Yummy delicious ice cream… hmm what's your favorite ice cream? I like chocolate, plain, yummy, simple, yummy… did I mention it was yummy? :)**

**Yeah, yeah, shrrgs are giant wolves and targs are big come on, targs can be carnivorus…**

**Hope you guys had a wonderful Christma-chanu-kwan-tice (Did I miss anything?)**

**And hope you all will have a great New Year! And keep those resolutions!**


	11. Priorities, Ponies, and Parallels

**A/N: What? Is this a presented, quick update? I know, you were thinking: "Aww, not another update for 3 more months!" And let's cut straight to the blurbs! Well… after this…**

**Replies to my anonymous reviewers:**

**Anonymous:** Thanks for all of your unrestrained enthusiasm and your double review!

I do think it a bit odd to read the last book before the others. Your plot and character development doesn't occur to you, making the characters less than half of what they should feel like, you lose important information that might be imperative to fully understand and enjoy the last book. Overall the experience is watered down and you only _really_ read 1/16 of the whole story…

_But_ I'm very glad that you like chocolate ice cream! Oh, and it's Looney _Tunes._

**Just Me:** The Inheritance Cycle doesn't really ever use the phrase "May the odds be ever in your favor." I mean that line is a _trademark_ for the Hunger Games. The Inheritance Cycle says "May fortune rule over you/ Peace live in your heart/ And the stars watch over you" that's the closest "catchphrase" (for lack of a better word) that comes close… Or maybe you didn't mean it that way…

But although I think that trait of Galbatorix is overly used in my blurbs (he pouts for an intimidating cape, has a shoe closet that is more secure than the last dragon egg, etc.) It doesn't hurt to have a few more! And thanks for the review!

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~ NINETY ONE ~ **(From _Eragon_: The Witch and the Werecat) (Main idea credit to Rainchecker)

Angela's face became grave as she grasped the bones in each hand. Her eyes closed, and her lips moved in a soundless murmur. The she said powerfully, "_Manin! Wyrda! Hügin!"_ They fell all jumbled together, gleaming in the faint light.

"See how the lightning bolt rest upon the sailing ship?" Eragon nodded. "That means that you will destroy the death star."

Eragon frowned, confused. But Angela continued. She pointed to the next bone: one with a rose blossom inscribed between the horns of a crescent moon. "An epic romance is in your future. You will win the heart of a princess… but then find out she's your sister"

Eragon was taken back. "What?"

**~ NINETY TWO ~**

Meanwhile, as Galbatorix was waiting for his nails to dry…

Durza is sneaking about in the shadows, practicing his evil, bloodcurdling cackle and devising all sorts of dastardly plots to take over the world!

**~ NINETY THREE ~**

Nasuada was in the briefing room with all of the usual high-ranked people, planning their next attack. Nasuada cleared her throat before talking. "Yes, alright… So… the death toll has gone up 10% and our chances of winning grow slimmer and slimmer. We have a nimrod as a dragon rider and we—"

Just then a message boy came in with a steaming cup of coffee.

"Oh! Finally!" shouted Nasuada as she grabbed the cup and downed it. "Now, where was I? Yes… The future looks _AMAZING_ and _BRIGHT_ and _BEAUTIFUL!_ Eragon is the _BEST_ dragon rider we could have asked for!"

**~ NINETY FOUR ~**

"As a gift for helping defeat Galbatorix, you can ask for a gift from our people," said Arya to Orik.

"I would like a strand of your hair."

There was a silence. "That's _really_ creepy, Orik… How about some new armor?"

**~ NINETY FIVE ~**

After many years later, Eragon and Saphira return to Alageasia…

_Firnen!_ Shouted Saphira.

_Saphira! _Replied the green dragon with a roar.

_It's been forever since we last talked! I mean there's so much to say. How are you doing? What happened when we totally ditched on you guys? Hey, I'm glad I had that night with you,it was fun… and I contributed to the new generation of dragons. Is Arya fine? She looks tired. You look tired. So I have to tell you my story! So we sailed off and sail for a _really, really _long time…_

One hour later…

_So all I really wanted to ask you was if I could use your saddle, mine is worn out from the trip over here…_

Firnen woke up with a start. _What? Sorry, I think I dozed off at "really long time."_

_Oh, I was just telling you about when we sailed off…_

**~ NINETY SIX ~**

"Look Saphira! I found a pony!" yelled Eragon as he pointed to an animal in the woods.

_I don't think that's a pony…_

Eragon approached the animal. It started to hiss and roar. "It _is_ a pony!

**~ NINETY SEVEN ~**

"Oh my goodness!" gasped various onlookers. "It's a swam of locus!"

"No it's not!" shouted some random guy. "They're a bunch of grass boats." All eyes shifted to Arya.

The elf shrugged. "I got bored."

**~ NINETY EIGHT ~**

"THIS IS SPARTA!"

"What was that for?"

"I don't know, just wanted to say that."

**~ NINETY NINE ~**

Galbatorix handed Murtagh a fragile looking beaded handbag. "These are all of the _Eldunarí _I have in my possession. I know the color doesn't match my outfit anymore so here you go."

Murtagh took the bag and looked inside. He gave the bag 'a little shake and it echoed like a cargo hold as a number of heavy objects rolled around inside it.'

Murtagh sighed, "Galby, you have to stop stealing handbags from girls, even if they are competent wizards!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED ~**

_The Lord of Inheritance Wars Summary_

One day a hobbit/young boy was minding his own business in an agrarian society farming and enjoying life. Then Frodo/Eragon/Luke discovers a mysterious object that is not what meets the eye. An old man by the name of Gandalf/Brom/Obi-Wan Kenobi tells him about the ongoing turmoil outside of his life, the history of the thing, and the power and importance of the ring/dragon/robot. This turns his world upside down and forces him to leave his simple life and go on an epic quest.

The main character starts seeing a mysterious and captivating women, that happens to be a princess, by the name of Arwen/Arya/Leia.

Soon the protagonist meets up with a character with a shady past by the name of Strider/Murtagh/Han Solo to fight the dark forces of Mordor/The Empire/The Empire.

After many battles the protagonist finally completes his goal by destroying Sauron/Galbatorix/Darth Vader, which in turn destroyed Barad-dûr/Urû-baen/The Death Star.

The protagonist then sails way/sails way/sees spirits happily watching over him.

**A/N: I've finally done it! Yay! 100 blurbs! POP THE SPARKLING CIDER/CHAMPAIGN/SOMETHING WITH EXPLOSIVE BUBBLES!**

**I know that Frodo doesn't have a tape record or vision of Arwen, but she is close enough to princess to be included.**

**If you want, drop in and tell me your favorite blurb, or just say your favorite type of cheese (mine is smoked gouda), or both…**

**So to celebrate here is a list of **_**everyone**_** who ever reviewed this story (in order of appearance, might I add)! Thanks to everyone on this list!**

Kookookarli, The Samurai and the Ninja, dominicthewise, Writer of the North, eikka492, clawx2, Isis, Rainchecker, lovexxlifexx, Leader of Wolf Pack, dail-of-the-air, insulife, Witchy Pixie, Ryu Nakome, RelishedInTheDark, Chaos-music, Snoringkitty, Sinitar, Restrained. Freedom, Shurtugal-Koma, R4B1D MO053, linguisticsrock, Dautr abr du Sundavar, Amara calla, me myself and i, Lvl14ElfMage, shadowed breath, Leedle-leedle-lee (or should I say sister?), IntolerableFish, Hawk531, Caspian 'Casp' Kaist, Agent Elrond, Artemis the Forensic one, A PeRsOn YoU No, dsauser, Articwolfstudios, Konri Kari, Luvergirlof books, Undisclosed, FlexManSteel, ananymous (could you spell it an_**o**_nymous? : ) ), Oracle for Madness, Dominique the Author, Shur'tugal Terrra, IncWeaverabc, Elf Knight, Caironater, TheAliensDidIt, CrossoverAUman, Dragonsrule18, MourningGlory 7, TheOnlyMarauderette, INHERITANCE ROCKS, Randomm, Totally Random Solembum, neb, IronMikeTyson, Arussianbashy, nict, NormalityIsNonexistent, The M. H. T. of R, Lilmissy97, Dolphins8833, dolphins9763, Bromine, CoralineKey, nicky333, blargblarg111, Anonymous, Just Me, shadeslayerprincess111

**So, thanks to everyone who reviewed, favorite-ed, alert-ed, or all three!**

**~Pie in the Face**


	12. Bonus! Guides

**A/N: It seems I'm slipping into my old ways again… No! Not that endless cycle of laziness and no reviews!**

***Ahem* Excuse me for the lack of self-motivation. I love parody/humor, don't get me wrong… but the internet is faster to open than Word…**

**Anyways here is me continuing! Just a little, and yes, I mean little, bonus chapter for reaching 100 blurbs! (And to get my brain in writing mode…)**

**Sorry for not replying to signed reviews via PM… I normally take time to do that... I will reply to them this time though!**

* * *

**So to my anonymous reviewers…**

**Anonymous:** Ok, I understand now… Have fun reading! And thanks for another enthusiastic review!

**Em**: Oops, typo, I may fix that… Thanks for the review!

* * *

**Disclaimer:** All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**Five Good Reasons to NOT Feed Your Dragon Mead and other Useful guides**

_Three Good Reasons Not To Engage In a Riddle Game_

1) Although seemingly innocent, winners of riddle games can sometimes sway the outcome of an entire world

2) Guys, this is one thing that girls will almost always beat you

3) It's not fun. Having blind fish on your feet is not fun. Having your brain hurt is not fun.

* * *

_Five Reasons Not To Name Your Sword After a Common Spell_

1) Use it, burn your pants.

2) It's _common_ not unique at all. Where's your creativity?

3) After the suspense of many years, you name it _Fire?_

4) It's not a bone chilling name. Don't you want your enemies to cower in fear when they hear it?

5) That spell knocked you out the first time you want used it. I think there are some bad relations between you and _Brisingr_…

* * *

_Four Reasons to Carry a Shovel At All Times_

1) There is water anywhere if you dig down far enough, even in sand

2) Does Strongshovel sound cool?

3) Trouble with having to transform corpse wounds to look like they were made by humans? Just use the shovel in the first place and you won't have to do that messy work!

4) Polish the metal and use it as a mirror so you can always look your best when fighting off evil creatures

* * *

_Five Good Reasons to Not Feed Your Dragon Mead_

1) They no longer can sit through long speeches

2) Afternoon joy flies can be difficult, as they can't fly in a straight line

3) In order to try to burn of the alcohol, they will torch anything in their way

4) They can't appreciate your mediocre poetry anymore

5) Suddenly everyone looks like deer…

* * *

**A/N: Review! Credit to this goes to the book ****5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth (and other useful guides)****.**

**So…**

**Tell me about your day. How was it? Are you experiencing the joy of snow? Skiier, Snowboarder, or a Hot Chocolate-r (people who just stay inside sipping hot chocolate watching the snow fall gently to the ground)**

**And remember: If Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be munching Magic Pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.**

**~Pie in the Face**


	13. Puns, Cabinet Building, and An Epiphany

**A/N: *Sigh* It seems as though me and quick updates just don't go well together…**

**Well hopefully the wait was worth it.**

**So to my anonymous reviewers…**

**serenity solstice: Thanks for the encouragement! And if funniness is spelled like that it sure is a word! **

**[Blank]: I wish I remembered what my inbox said for your name, but I hope you know who you are! Thanks for the suggestions; you might see them appear after this one… *sly smile***

**~ ONE HUNDRED ONE ~**

"I'm one part fool and three parts brave!" shouted Eragon after he finally got the courage to enter the dark room without a light.

"It's one part brave and three parts _fool,_" sighed Brom.

Eragon shrugged his shoulders, "I've heard it both ways."

**~ ONE HUNDRED TWO ~**

Murtagh looked up into the sky and saw Pluto. (Don't ask me how…) Murtagh thought it looked quite sad. Trying to reassure the dot he said, "Don't worry, Pluto, I'm not a planet either."

**~ ONE HUNDRED THREE ~**

Eragon shouted to Arya. "Don't let them come any closer!"

"I know! There is a reason why I'm using magic! What are you doing?"

Eragon replied frustrated, "I'm helping!"

"You've got a screwdriver! Go build a cabinet!"

"That's really rude!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED FOUR ~**

Roran was dressing for the party. As a finishing touch he tied a bowtie around his neck. Katrina walked and frowned. Roran glanced over. "What's the matter?

"Your…. Tie."

"It's a bowtie! Bowties are cool."

**~ ONE HUNDRED FIVE ~**

Eragon was upset and kicked aside a rock. Oromis glared at Eragon. The young rider frowned. "What did I do wrong this time?"

"Don't take rocks for granite!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED SIX ~**

A sudden epiphany swept over the rider as he headed out to battle the dark king. "Wait a second… He has superior magic reserves, a superior dragon, and yet he didn't destroy the one thing that threatened his rule while it was still small and vulnerable." Eragon shrugged. "Oh well, not my problem."

**~ ONE HUNDRED SEVEN ~**

Back when Galbatorix was trying to perfect his "evil costume"…

Morzan looked up at Galbatorix. "Now I understand you're trying to look intimidating, but frankly, you've got about as much charm as a dead slug."

**~ ONE HUNDRED EIGHT ~**

"So why don't elves have gods?" asked Eragon.

"Our gods are dead. They were more trouble than they were worth."

**~ ONE HUNDRED NINE ~**

[INSERT SLIGHTLY-HUMOROUS BLURB HERE]

**~ ONE HUNDRED TEN ~**

Eragon was having another bad dream. "No! Don't turn the box over! 'Do not turn upside down' is printed on the bottom!"

**A/N: Hope you guys are doing good! So, if you could go back in time and not alter anything and not be harmed, what moment in history would you witness?**

**Credit to Adam Young's Twitter for, well, you guess which blurbs. **

**Remember: Geese may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.**

**~Pie in the Face**


	14. Frosting and Timey-Wimey Stuff

**A/N: *Sigh* It seems as though me and quick updates just don't go well together…**

**Well hopefully the wait was worth it.**

**So to my anonymous reviewers…**

**Luvergirl of Books: Thanks again for the enthusiastic review!**

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~ ONE HUNDRED ELEVEN ~**

Eragon was prowling through the halls of Uru'baen following a trail of spiders. They were supposed to lead him somewhere important but all Eragon could think about was his constant mumbling to himself. _Why spiders? Why couldn't it be "follow the butterflies"?_

**~ ONE HUNDRED TWELVE ~**

Murtagh wandered into Angela's tent as he was mopping around. A smell of something delicious made a rare smile appear on Murtagh's face. "What is that?"

Angela turned around and smiled all crazy like. "It's my drink."

"I want to make some!" whined Murtagh.

"You put the lime in the coconut, drink them both up."

Murtagh looked confused. "Put the lime in the coconut, you such a silly woman!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED THIRTEEN ~**

Arya was stopped in her tracks as Eragon limped by. "…Eragon?" questioned Arya. "Why do you have a mechanical leg?"

Eragon put on a dopy smile and adjusted the overly-large Viking helmet on his head. "I'm going to fly Toothless!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED FOURTEEN ~**

Sloan was sitting on a log wallowing in self-pity. What's new?

**~ ONE HUNDRED FIFTEEN ~**

Eragon was walking out of his house going to feed his newly-hatching, young dragon when something slithered out under the porch. "What are _you_ doing here?" hissed Eragon. "You're supposed to be in the forest!"

_I hid under the porch because I love you._

**~ ONE HUNDRED SIXTEEN ~**

"I've got some things stolen again," sighed Angela to Arya.

"Should I help you find them?" asked Arya, hoping the answer was no. She just did her nails and didn't want them to get messed up.

"No, I think I'll just go down and have some pudding and wait for it all to turn up... It always does in the end."

**~ ONE HUNDRED SEVENTEEN ~**

Eragon was prepping to go out to battle when Arya walked in. "Eragon?"

"Yes?"

"Why do you have a tub of frosting in here?"

"I bring it out to battle."

"Why? asked Arya cautiously.

"Frosting. The final defense of the dying."

**~ ONE HUNDRED EIGHTEEN ~**

Christopher Paolini editing _Brisingr_:

"Hmm... now Orimis will say: The Force- um no. How about: Magic is what gives a Jedi, I mean rider, his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy, erm no... Alagaësia together.

**~ ONE HUNDRED NINETEEN ~**

Durza bounded up to Eragon was an uncharacteristic "puppy dog" look on his face. "Will you please be my prisoner? Please, please please be my prisoner!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED TWENTY~**

Eragon was trying to remember the days of the week. "Today is Friday, Saturday comes after that…"

Out of nowhere Angela popped up and said, "People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but _actually_ from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... timey wimey... stuff."

**A/N: **_**Unfortunately**_** I'm studying abroad next year in a place called Italy, so I have to go to school this summer and updates will probably be not that frequent… Don't worry, though, random writing is always a good break from homework.**

**Look there's a box down there that you can just type your review in. The programmers just are begging you to give me a review... So tell me your favs, give a suggestion, or just bang your head on the keyboard and then press "Post Review."**

**Remember: The Hobbit Part 1 is in theaters December 14****th****. Now that's what I'm Tolkien about!**

**~Pie in the Face**


	15. Quotes, Quotes, and More Quotes

**A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks so much for your support and dealing with my slow updates, so as a reward I present you with a slightly fast update! Fanfiction states "Reviews: 221 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 40" Thanks everyone for making those numbers go up :) Be warned lots of quotes in these blurbs!**

**Enjoy!**

**And to my anonymous reviewers:**

**me luv my music1:** Good, now your brain is all scrambled like eggs and they won't be able to tell if this chapter is funny or not. :)

**Anonymous:** Eragon and mocking go hand-and-hand because Eragon makes lots of mistakes and mistakes are where I sneak in and make the mistake look even worse… and somehow funny… make sense?

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~ ONE HUNDRED TWENTY ONE ~**

Eragon frowned. "Where's all the food gone?"

Murtagh leaned back in his chair, propping his feet on the table. "I have no clue. Maybe they ate each other."

"Oh, and I suppose the apples at the cheese!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED TWENTY TWO ~**

Eragon was frustrated and walked up to Brom and asked him to give him advice about getting Arya to like him more. Brom simply smiled. "I would be delighted to offer any advice I can on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know."

**~ ONE HUNDRED TWENTY THREE ~**

Brom, Eragon and Murtagh were out on a hunt. Brom turned to the two and simply stated, "Gentlemen, we do not stop till nightfall."

Eragon looked disappointed "What about breakfast?"

Brom rolled his eyes at Eragon. "You've already had it."

Eragon protested. "We've had one, yes. What about second breakfast?"

Murtagh tried to save his half-brother some dignity and whispered to Eragon, "I don't think he knows about second breakfast."

Eragon looked very distressed. He loved his food. "What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them, doesn't he?"

Murtagh looked on Eragon with pity. "I wouldn't count on it."

**~ ONE HUNDRED TWENTY FOUR~**

For the umpteenth time, Solembum jumped up on Murtagh's desk. Annoyed, Murtagh picked up the werecat and placed him on the ground. "Solembum. This is down. Down is _good._"

**~ ONE HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE ~**

Eragon and Orik were stationed with many soldiers waiting at the top of the castle for the battle to come. Orik looked despondent as his erratic jumping got him no closer to seeing over the wall. What's happening out there?" demanded the dwarf.

Eragon turned to Orik, a cheeky smile appearing on his face. "Shall I describe it to you?" Orik turned to him with a questioning hum. "Or would you like me to find you a box?"

**~ ONE HUNDRED TWENTY SIX ~**

Eragon had gone over to thank Jeod for all his help. "What can I ever do to repay you?" questioned the rider.

Jeod looked thoughtful. "All I ask is a tall ship, and a load of contraband to fill her with."

**~ ONE HUNDRED TWENTY SEVEN ~**

Eragon was walking through the forest with Arya. He brought along his sword and started to poke the trees. Arya frowned. "They have feelings, my friend. The elves began it, waking up the trees, teaching them to speak."

Eragon scoffed. "Talking trees. What do trees have to talk about, hmm... except the consistency of squirrel droppings?"

**~ ONE HUNDRED TWENTY EIGHT ~**

Murtagh scoffed at Brom. "And you are supposed to be a great warrior. All you have are those pants." Brom glared at Murtagh "These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.

**~ ONE HUNDRED TWENTY NINE ~**

Eragon was fiddling with his new bow, and for some reason couldn't string it "Where's the instruction manual?" asked Eragon.

"I threw it into the river," replied Orik simply.

"Why would you throw the instructions manual into the river?" asked Eragon, shocked.

Orik shrugged, "Because I disagreed with it."

**~ ONE HUNDRED THIRTY ~**

Murtagh and Eragon were desperately trying to get away from the Urgals at the waterfall. Eragon looked at Murtagh. "Distract them, I need to remember the right words!"

Murtagh scowled at him. There was nothing he _could_ do, so he replied sarcastically. "What do you want me to do, dress in drag and do the hula?"

**A/N: Excuse all of the quotes, another dry spell in creative humor…. I may stock pile a bunch of chapters so I can update when oversees... but that's a big maybe...**

**And to** _middleearthmidget_ **Murtagh as Data and Jeod as Quark, what implications have I made there now…? Not good ones, I suppose… :)**

**Finally, I leave you with a question: Is there another word for synonym?**

**And remember: The world can be amazing when you're slightly strange.**

**~Pie in the Face**


	16. Omnomnomnivores and Onomatopoeias

**A/N:** **Huzzah! Yes, that's right, this story is still alive… if only just slightly… I was enjoying the first day of break cuddled up with a cup of tea and looking out to the snowy landscape and figured it was about time I got my fingers a typing! Enjoy!**

**And to my anonymous reviewers:**

**Anonymous**: Lord of the Rings is always a yay! :) Eragon and Legolas, yes the best to mock. Are you sure it isn't the coffee that's clouded your view?

**Guest**: Doctor Who: the place to get great quotes! River Song… hmm… that would probably be Angela? Yeah. That fits well enough. 127 is supposed to be a Lord of the Rings reference. It's from Two Towers movie when Legolas, Gimli, and Aragorn are in Fangorn forest.

**And all others, that I didn't touch base with: Thank you so much for your support!**

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~ ONE HUNDRED THIRTY ONE ~**

"I was just thinking—" started Eragon.

"That's never a good thing," sighed Arya, followed by a frown by the young dragon rider.

"I was _thinking_ that Saphira is a carnivore, you're an herbivore, but me, I just love to eat… so does that make me an Omnomnomnivore?"

"That's just stup—" started Arya, but was rudely cut-off as Eragon dug into his large hamburger with loud, content noises of "om nom nom"

**~ ONE HUNDRED THIRTY TWO ~**

"Look at this hedgehog I found behind the barn!" shouted Eragon to Murtagh.

"You're not holding anything…and there's not a single barn around…"

"Ha!" exclaimed Eragon with pure excitement. "Fooled you!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED THIRTY THREE ~**

"Hey," said Roran to a random stranger. "So I noticed that you had arms!"

"Um…yes, yes I do."

"Well _I_ have arms too!" shouted Roran gleefully. "We should be _friends!_"

**~ ONE HUNDRED THIRTY FOUR~**

"What are you doing?" asked Eragon.

Arya looked up from her book, annoyed. "Reading," she answered tersely.

Murtagh walked over and peered over Arya's shoulder. "What's she doing?" he asked to Eragon.

Arya replied for him, in a tight, annoyed voice. "I'm reading."

Murtagh furrowed his eyebrows. "I think you're lying."

**~ ONE HUNDRED THIRTY FIVE ~**

"Look! I found a spoon!" commented Eragon.

"Yes, everyone was given a spoon for dinner," sighed an exasperated Arya.

"Well look over there!" Eragon said as he jabbed his finger in a random direction.

"There's noth—" started Arya.

"I'm changing the subject and trying to cover up my idiocy... inconspicuously!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED THIRTY SIX ~**

"So how's your chocolate milk?" asked Angela.

Eragon frowned. "There's no chocolate…or milk…"

"Secret family recipe…imagination!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED THIRTY SEVEN ~**

Galbatorix was shuffling up to his room in his pink footie pajamas with his nighttime snack from the kitchens when he heard a noise, turning the corner, he saw Eragon stuffing sacks full of gold and other precious items. "What are you doing?" demanded Galbatorix.

"Stealing your stuff," answered Eragon matter-a-factly. "What are _you_ doing?"

"Getting some warm milk and cookies to help me sleep," Galbatorix replied, as he turned to leave, he stopped. Eragon braced for an attack. "Well?" asked Galbatorix after a lengthy yawn.

"Aren't you going to wish me goodnight?"

**~ ONE HUNDRED THIRTY EIGHT ~**

"Why do you have an umbrella in your drink?" asked a curious Murtagh.

Angela grinned. "Well I wouldn't want it to get wet, now would I?"

**~ ONE HUNDRED THIRTY NINE ~**

"Eragon, what are you doing with all of those balloons?" inquired Murtagh.

Eragon whirled around from his work of tying brightly colored balloons to the chimney of a house. "Well Arya said we have to get to the waterfall to save her, I don't see any other option!"

Murtagh simply shook his head in disappointment as he buried his face in his hands.

**~ ONE HUNDRED FOURTY ~**

_Angela just said I had Onomatopoeia, _Sighed Saphira

_Oh, no! Is it contagious? Deadly? What _is_ it anyways?_

_It's exactly what it sounds like_.

**A/N:** **Who saw The Hobbit? I did! (On the 13th, thanks to being in Italy) Loved it? I thought it added a nice spice to a fairly un-action filled book. I don't think it will rival LOTR, but it is an awesome adaption of the book so far.**

**Anyways, reviews, suggestions, favorite naming, etc. are always welcome, even if it is just talking about the meteor shower you watched on the 21st…**

**And remember**: It's the little things that are important. Love or an act of kindness are the things that keep darkness at bay.

~Pie in the Face


	17. Bonus! Misconceptions

**A/N: This isn't exactly ****_humor_****, but a little something that was floating around in my head. The next blurbs will be up soon, and by soon I mean maybe this month… As always, enjoy! (And review!)**

* * *

**_Misconceptions_**

Eragon's heart was racing, his breath sounded ragged and his ears were filled with the sound of pumping blood. His hands were sweaty against the grip of his weapon. The battle was nearing the end and the enemy was winning. His odds were slim; he was their last hope. His comrades were strewn about the field, the sticky red substance covering their bodies. Eragon let out a silent curse when he saw some of his best men desperately crawling away, their weapons hanging useless against their sides.

Both sides had hit each other with full force. The groups were equally matched in skill, and each and every one had fought until the end. Eragon slithered through the same cropping of trees next to the field of boulders. He knew there were only two strong opponents left. Eragon was the last one left on his side; his entire group had been defeated except for him. A small rustle in bushes next altered him of a presence. Eragon stood stock still, anxiously griping his weapon. He turned his head ever so slightly to the side and noticed a figure crouched behind a boulder, back facing him. With the stealth bestowed on him by the transformation, he raised his weapon and quickly dispatched of the person. One more to go.

Before the rider could do anything more, he felt the cold point of a weapon at his back. A voice sounded behind him. "Drop the weapon and turn around." Eragon was so close to victory, but so was the enemy. Whirling around, Eragon pointed his own weapon at his opponent, if he was going down, they were losing together.

"I'm not losing to you so easily," hissed Eragon.

"We'll see about that," sneered his opponent. The tip of his enemy's weapon was smeared with red from multiple uses during the battle, leaving a glob of red on Eragon's chest where the point now rested.

Eragon held a similar stance, his point leaving a glob of blue on his opponent's chest. The two opponents both tensed and pulled the trigger at the same time. A dull thud could be heard was the two were hit at the same time. Both men swore as they stumbled back from the force. Eragon glowered at his opponent. Eragon was wiping off the glob of red liquid from his shirt. "That's going to stain." A wince could be heard from the young rider. "And bruise." There was a pause as both men released the uselessness of trying to get the substance off with only their hands. "Draw?" asked Eragon, not wanting to admit defeat or run the risk of claiming a faulty victory.

Roran smiled. "Draw," he agreed. The cousins shook hands and red paint mixed with blue.

**A/N: Gottcha?**


	18. Connectivity Issues and Forgetfulness

**A/N: Hello again! Yes, paintball. The new ultimate pastime of Alagaësia! **

**Well, welcome to blurbs 141 through 150! Enjoy!**

**And to my anonymous reviewer, Guest, You're very welcome.**

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~ ONE HUNDRED FOURTY ONE ~**

"Draumr kópa," commanded Eragon. The water shifted and wavered. The motions were accompanied by a soothing sound of a mechanical cat purring underwater until an image of his cousin came into view.

"Hello! I haven't seen you in such a long time! How are thin—"

Eragon swore. "Roran. You're frozen. If you can hear me just stop talking. Just wait for it to clear up. Bad connection. Oh! Oh, wait, nope. Still frozen. You're frozen… yup still frozen… Can't hear a word you are saying… You're just stuck with that ridiculous blurry image of you. Oh wait, there it goes!"

"—And now were getting married, Isn't that great?!"

"Wait, what?!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED FOURTY TWO ~**

Murtagh was taking a stroll around the castle when he passed a room with Galbatorix hunched over a mass of little red and white plastic spheres. "Um, my king?"

"What is it?" snapped Galbatorix.

"What are those?"

"Well these are where I'm now storing my Eldunarí," Galbatorix replied as he checked names and colors off a large list in his hands. "I'm also seeing which ones I'm missing."

"But you already have unmatchable power."

"Silly Murtagh. You don't understand. I gotta catch 'em all."

**~ ONE HUNDRED FOURTY THREE ~**

Eragon ran tried to run out of the castle, his company following close behind when Galbatorix barred his way out. "Let us pass."

With an arrogant sneer, the Dark King asked "What're you gonna do about it, rider?"

Eragon strode confidently forth and slashed at his midsection, scoring him with Brisingr.

With a painful gasp, Galbatorix said "That'll do it..." before toppling over, and freeing the way.

**~ ONE HUNDRED FOURTY FOUR~**

"Pick a card any card!"

"That one? Don't let me see... now focus all of your thoughts on that card... Is your card the—"

"Eragon?"

"Yes?"

"I can feel you probing my mind. It's not a mentalist _trick_ if you are actually reading my mind."

"So your card wasn't the 3 of rabbits?"

"No, that card doesn't even exist."

"Barzul."

**~ ONE HUNDRED FOURTY FIVE ~**

Eragon ran out of his small house at the end of Carvahall with various hastily put together bags. A passing villager inquired where he was going and in a winded shout, Eragon replied, "I'm going on an adventure!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED FOURTY SIX ~**

Murtagh was sitting on the side of the lake making funny faces in the water's reflection, when Nasuada approached. "What are you doing?"

Murtagh whirled around. "Um, noth—nothing. Nothing at all. If you'll excuse me I have to go feed my fish," stated the rider as he quickly dashed off.

"But you don't have any fish…"

**~ ONE HUNDRED FOURTY SEVEN ~**

Eragon flung himself at Arya, giving her a big hug. "Hold me in your arms and feed me Chinese food immediately."

**~ ONE HUNDRED FOURTY EIGHT ~**

Orik was frowning at the elves' "feast" in front of him. His plate was filled with leafy greens of every kind. Orik leaned over and whispered to Arya, "Have they got any chips?"

**~ ONE HUNDRED FOURTY NINE ~**

Nasuada was pacing back and forth in the room, when a loud shout of "I will get you for this Shadeslayer!" sounded and a streak of red flashed by her window.

The young ruler sighed, "I just want to know why. Why life can't be normal?"

**~ ONE HUNDRED FIFTY ~**

Angela was sitting on a stool outside of her tent looking sad. Arya walked over. "What's the matter?"

Angela let out a small sniffle. "My fake plants died because I didn't pretend to water them."

**A/N:** **How was everyone's day? Hope it was filled with a bunch of flying pigs playing golf with the stars… Or something…**

**Anyways, review, tell me your fav(s). Tell me about a new random fact you learned, anything.**

**And remember: "Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!" ~Audrey Hepburn **

~Pie in the Face


	19. Eragon the Hipster and Saphira the Cat

**A/N: Well this document was in my Doc Manager for a while before I remembered to post it...oops... Well Enjoy!**

**And to my anonymous reviewers:**

**Krokodyl:** Of course Angela wins everything; with her "Doctor-like" personality, it's a for-sure win when she walks in the room. Hmm, but how do you know that those aren't _toad_ intestines...? Huh? Riddle me that.

**Gdfgjjjffdwwdhkm**: Head-banging complete.

**Narwhals3Llamas**: Thanks! And I never really thought of myself as the "maniacal " type, but if the shoe fits… And it's no trouble to put Owl City in blurb, 'cause Adam Young is amazing :) 150 is for you!

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~ ONE HUNDRED FIFTY ONE ~**

"If you were a beautiful sound and the echo's all around, then I'd be your harmony," said Eragon looking dolefully into Arya's eyes. "And we'd sing along with the crowds beneath the candy coated clouds of strawberry avalanche, please crash over me."

"It started out cute…" said Arya "but now I'm wondering if how hard you hit your head."

**~ ONE HUNDRED FIFTY TWO ~**

"Eragon, what's on your face?"

Eragon looked down at the person asking the question, and peered over his new glasses, raising an eyebrow all at the same time. The rider cleared his throat and took a sip of his organic chamomile tea before adjusting his scarf. "_These_ are black-rimmed nerd glasses with filter lenses so everything looks vintage _all the time_."

**~ ONE HUNDRED FIFTY THREE ~**

Murtagh opened his new dairy. His counselor said it was supposed to help him vent his feelings. The quill hovered just above the blank page, dripping a small dot of ink once before the rider started to write.

_Dear Diary,_

_You're lame, dumb, and annoying_.

Satisfied, Murtagh closed the book. "There, feeling better already," he commented as he tossed the book into the fireplace.

**~ ONE HUNDRED FIFTY FOUR~**

Orin and Angela were in the conference room talking about dolphins. "So what if your house gets hit by a dolphin?"

Orin stroked his chin. "Why, I'd go outside and see if it was alright."

Angela scowled. "No, no. I would _never_ leave my house even for my porpoise pals." Her voice dropped and she whispered in the king's ear. "That's how the hurricanes trick you to go outside."

**~ ONE HUNDRED FIFTY FIVE ~**

_When the Dark King is defeated and Alagaësia restored, the land will be flowing with milk and honey._

Saphira stuck out her tongue and frowned. _I thought that the land was going to be flowing with pork 'n beans._

**~ ONE HUNDRED FIFTY SIX ~**

"Eragon, you're such a blockhead," groaned Angela.

"You're just jealous that my sarcasm is so advanced that I only _sound_ stupid," sniffed Eragon, while walking away and promptly tripping on flat ground.

**~ ONE HUNDRED FIFTY SEVEN ~**

Galbatorix was sitting on his throne, dreaming of unicorns and world domination when Morzan's voice shattered his fantasy. "Hey fat man, why aren't you out doing work?"

Galbatorix growled. "I'm not fat!"

"But you _are_ fat."

Galbatorix grumbled, and said sarcastically, "Well thanks, it runs in the family."

"_No one_ runs in your family, that's for sure," Morzan snickered. "Oh, and the fridge is empty again, go get me some munchies, stat."

**~ ONE HUNDRED FIFTY EIGHT ~**

_There's a fly in the house,_ commented little Saphira.

_Just ignore it,_ replied her annoyed rider.

_It's buzzing and crashing in to the window… over and over and over and over and over and over—_

_I get the picture! Just leave it alone._

A crash sounded. _Tackled the fly, but I think that I broke the window… and then I think it escaped. _Eragon buried his face in his hands. Saphira merrily bounced on his bed. _Oh, now a lot of flies are coming in._

**~ ONE HUNDRED FIFTY NINE ~**

Murtagh was pacing around his room in the palace, trying to think of ways to break his bond with Galbatorix. Thorn had just landed on the giant balcony and was helping his rider think. _Well what if you get Galbatorix to give you clothes?_

_It doesn't work that way, _Murtagh said, rolling his eyes.

_But it worked for that house elf!_

**~ ONE HUNDRED SIXTY ~**

Arya sighed. "Things could be worse," comforted Eragon. "I mean a giant freak lightning storm could always just appear while Godzilla attacks and then simultaneously a giant meteor strikes our world, sending it careening out of the gravitational orbit with the sun and into the cold expanse of space leaving the rest of the population to slowly freeze to death."

Arya looked up at Eragon, her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "Or you could stub your toe, that's pretty bad too."

**A/N:** **Review!**

**And remember: If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer. ~Rob Corddry**

~Pie in the Face


	20. Perpetual Motion, Dings, and Ducks

**A/N: Hello! How long has it been since my last update? February 2, 2013… and now it's November… Oh dear… Truth is that muse on this fandom is virtually dead for me right now… There aren't very many fics getting me interested in continuing and the books have all run their course… Oh well, I'll see how many more I can think up… Aiming for 200.**

**On a more awesome, happy, exciting note, let me just say: The Doctor Who 50****th**** Anniversary. Alright, 'Nuff said.**

**And to my anonymous reviewer:**

"**Guest:**" Thanks for the review! It actually came as a pleasant surprise that someone had dug this sad, neglected piece out of the rubble of fics-gone-by. Yes, the movie was a complete fail. But it's okay, cuz we've got books. Many great books. And if you want weapons against those film writers, books are the best weapons in the world!

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~ ONE HUNDRED SIXTY ONE ~**

"Angela? Why do you have so many phonebooks?"

"Well there are many uses for phone books. You can stand on it to reach something, hit annoying stuff with it, make fire, and of course use it to find someone's phone number."

**~ ONE HUNDRED SIXTY TWO ~**

"So... guess what I did last night?" asked Murtagh to Nasuada.

"Hmm... you got abducted by aliens then escaped from them and then took over the ship and went for a joyride, officially making many UFO fanatics cry with joy, then crash landed it in Area 51 where you then had to make a blood trust with the managers, that you bumped into when getting out of the smoldering wreckage of the space ship, to swear secrecy about the aliens and other various true conspiracies...?"

Murtagh was dumbstruck for a second. "Erm, no… I got new shoes..."

"Oh, that's nice."

**~ ONE HUNDRED SIXTY THREE ~**

"What are you doing Eragon?"

The rider was currently pounding on a trunk of a tree with one of his fists. "I have to collect wood to make a shelter before nightfall!"

"You're not going to chop down a tree with your fist."

"I will! It just comes off in little blocks."

**~ ONE HUNDRED SIXTY FOUR~**

"Well if it isn't my old friend!" shouted Eragon, turning around from his test with the twins.

"We aren't really friends..." said Arya.

"Sounds like somebody could use a hug!"

"I'm not a very touchy person..."

"A massage?"

"No," was Arya's sharp answer.

"Well how about a kiss?"

Arya screwed up her face, disgusted. "Are you flirting with me?"

Eragon let out a sharp, quick laugh. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

"You just seem very forward."

"Honestly, you say the silliest things. Now let me take you to my room!"

"WHAT?"

"I mean play a children's card game…"

**~ ONE HUNDRED SIXTY FIVE ~**

Angela was pacing around when she heard strange noises coming from a room. She stopped and pressed her ear against the wooden door. Several curses being shouted by the recognizable voice of Orrin and there were hissing and yowling noises of a cat. Feeling she should investigate, the healer gave a quiet knock before pushing the door and entering the room.

Books were strewn everywhere and piles of loose papers were spread out and some pages fluttered down from a recent throw up. In the center of broken glass phials and jars, some which were leaking steaming liquids onto the floor was King Orrin, sporting a very scratched face, holding a cross Solemnbum by the scruff of the neck in one hand and a buttered piece of bread in the other.

"Angela!" the king exclaimed. "Solemnbum is okay. I was just borrowing him for a moment. In the name of science you see." Orrin laughed nervously and released the werecat as if it was on fire.

Solemnbum turned around and hissed. _Stupid human._

"What have you failed to do this time?"

"I was trying to strap this piece of buttered bread," the king gestured to the food item in his hand. "To the back of Solemnbum."

"And what would that accomplish?"

"Why, in theory it should make a perpetual motion machine. Cats," he gestured to the still angry werecat, "always land on their feet. And buttered bread," Orrin took a large bite out of the slice of bread, "always lands butter side down. If I drop the unit, it should forever be suspended in a spinning fall!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED SIXTY SIX ~**

"Blasted contraption," growled Murtagh as he poked a box. "Angela just gives me the box and expects me to know how to use it. Why is there never a big red button?"

**~ ONE HUNDRED SIXTY SEVEN ~**

"Murtagh, stop it," said Eragon.

"What?"

"Come on, I know you can read. Just stop it."

"I'm not doing anything!" said Murtagh, flapping his arms in annoyance.

"Read the sign. It says no sulking. You're obviously sulking."

"I'm not sulking. This is just my normal face."

Eragon laughed and patted him on the back. "No one looks like an angst-y teenager all the time."

**~ ONE HUNDRED SIXTY EIGHT ~**

"Arya, Arya!" shouted Eragon.

The elf stopped and gave an exasperated sigh. "What is it now?"

Eragon took the bucket of paint that he was holding and hurled it in air. The many colored contents came raining down. "Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?"

**~ ONE HUNDRED SIXTY NINE ~**

"Ding!" exclaimed Orrin with pride, holding up an odd contraption.

"What's that?" asked Arya.

"It's a machine that goes ding."

**~ ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY ~**

"Heads up!" shouted Eragon as a Frisbee sailed through the Varden camp on its way to Murtagh.

Nasuada looked up and promptly got hit in the face. "Ouch."

"I gave you warning," said Eragon as he jogged up to retrieve the disc.

"Yes, but why must you say 'heads up' when you really mean duck?"

Eragon scoffed and looked at Nasuada funny, "You're not a duck."

**A/N: So, you know what to do! Review, tell me your fav blurb(s), and/or leave a suggestion.**

**And remember: "****A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting" ~The Third Doctor**

**~Pie in the Face**


	21. Saphira the Kitten and Bar Jokes

**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for the awesome support! It's nice to know there are still people who remember this puppy. Happy Holidays! Here's my present to you! Also, I revamped the chapter titles, if anyone actually reads those… Now they're not just boring numbers.**

**And to my anonymous reviewers:**

"**Guest:**" Go Doctor Who! And thanks for the review!

"**Guest:**" Thanks! Although I don't think "funniness" is a word, it is no cause not to use it! Toast? How so? Thanks for your enthusiasm and the review!

(Jeeze… FanFiction needs to make a better system for anonymous "Guest" reviewers….)

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~ ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY ONE ~**

_Wake up, Eragon. I'm bored_. Said little Saphira.

_It's 3am!_

_I want to play._

_Well I want to sleep._

_How about I race across your bed a few dozen times?_

_How abou—_"Ouch!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY TWO ~**

"We need a way to foil Galbatorix's plan," stated Nasuada.

King Orrin was scratching down figures "I've found it!"

"Yes, what is it?"

"Simply said: pa+pn+la+ln"

"I don't follow…"

"I've followed his plan. His (p+l)(a+n)."

**~ ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY THREE ~**

"Orik, no! Don't go out there it's not safe."

"I'm just going to walk to my tent."

"But it just rained!"

"And?"

"There's puddles," stated Eragon concerned. "Don't step in any puddles, you might drown!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY FOUR~**

A ring sounded from Nasuada's pocket, signaling an email. It read:

"Guys, just needed to tell you that big corporations are just evil blood suckers and I won't stand it. –sent from my iPhone"

**~ ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY FIVE ~**

_Help me!_ Shouted little Saphira.

_What is it now?_ Growled an irritated Eragon.

_I stepped on some paper and now it's stuck to my claw._

_Just pull it off._

_I'm too scared. What if it eats me? I can feel its little teeth slowly eating away at me!_

_It's just paper. Take it off. I'm busy._

_But now I'm walking all funny!_

**~ ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY SIX ~**

'There's a meeting tomorrow morning. Be there," said Nasuada.

"Will there be food?" asked King Orrin.

"Erm, no."

"Count me out!"

**~ ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY SEVEN ~**

Galbatorix was crying when Murtagh entered his throne room. Confused, Murtagh asked "What's wrong?"

The king sniffed and looked up. "Everyone hates me. My subjects hate me. My dragon hates me. You hate me."

"It's okay," said Murtagh patting Galbatorix's back. "I don't hate you. I'm just not necessarily excited about your existence."

**~ ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY EIGHT ~**

Eragon spluttered at the coffee he was given. "This coffee is gross," commented Eragon as he adjusted his perfectly casual plaid flannel shirt. "Let me guess, you didn't use filtered water that was heated to exactly 164.8 degrees, did you?"

**~ ONE HUNDRED SEVENTY NINE ~**

"Hey Arya! Orik! I've got a great joke!" shouted Eragon. The elf and dwarf let out a collective groan. "Come on, guys. You'll love it!"

"Fine," sighed Arya. "What is it?"

"Alright. So an elf walked into a bar. A dwarf laughed and walked under it." Eragon laughed and looked at the two. He was meet with two annoyed looks.

**~ ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY ~**

_There's a bird outside_, commented Little Saphira, who was looking intently out the window.

_And I care because?_ Answered Eragon.

_It's taunting me._

_No, it isn't. It's just minding its own business. Stop thinking about it._

_I'm going to jump at it._

_No. Don't! You'll break the window!_

_Then do me a favor._

_What?_

_Shoot. That. Bird._

**A/N: Review, tell me your fav blurb(s), and/or leave a suggestion, tell me what your pet did, bake a cake, eat a cookie, make a blanket fort, dabble in quantum physics, make a work of art, steal candy from a baby, time travel, save a penguin, dress up your pet rock, reorganize your colored pencils, dig up the old family album…**

**And remember: **"Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." ~Miles Kington


	22. Eragon and Murtagh are Punny

**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for the awesome support! Again, sorry for the wait. I just got a bunch of puns piled up and decided to stuff most of them here, since I guess that's as good as my humor can get right now… :)**

**My muse is concentrated on a different fic that I've started… But! I will try to make my last blurbs a good show.**

**And to my anonymous reviewers:**

"**Guest:**" Go Doctor Who! And thanks for the review!

**krokodyl**: The review is what counts! :) Pet? But can't you just point to a rock and name him Jerry, then tell me he did nothing and sat there like a rock… because, well… he is a rock… Hmm… I guess it's just as exciting as not having a pet…

**Lung:** Nice, I will definitely consider it for the next batch. Thanks for the review!

Disclaimer: All recognizable material belongs to its rightful owners.

**~ ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY ONE ~**

"Hey, Orik!" shouted Eragon.

"What?"

"I bet you 50 gold coins you can't reach those pieces of meat up on that shelf," Eragon said as he pointed.

"I'm not stupid. I won't do that. The steaks are too high."

**~ ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY TWO ~**

Nasuada was walking through camp when she spotted Eragon and Murtagh staring intently at a carton of juice. "What are you two doing?" Eragon shushed her.

Murtagh replied, not taking his eyes off of the carton. "We're concentrating. It says concentrate."

**~ ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY THREE ~**

Angela sat down next to Murtagh, who was deep in thought. "What's on your mind?"

"Well, I don't know what to do with Nasuada. I mean, I was going to propose before the end of the year… but… is she ready? Will she say yes?"

Angela patted Murtagh's back. "Follow your heart."

"Yes, I think I will."

Angela smiled, then paused. "But don't forget to take your brain with you… and the rest of your body for that matter… and well what are you doing letting your heart run around? It's very unsanitary."

**~ ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY FOUR~**

Murtagh strode up to a despondent Arya. "Are you okay?"

Arya looked up. "I don't know. I'm just feeling a little low."

Murtagh smiled. "So I guess you could say you have low _elf_ esteem!" The rider laughed. "Huh? Get it?" Arya rolled her eyes.

**~ ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY FIVE ~**

_Little one,_ grumbled Saphira. _I need a break. Can't we land?_

_No!_ responded Eragon. _I want to find Neverland, so we must never land. Duh!_

**~ ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY SIX ~**

Orrin sat down at the table with Eragon, Nasuada, Arya, Murtagh, and other commanding figures for dinner. Nasuada frowned at the king's appearance. "Orrin, why do you have spots on you?" Indeed the King of Surda, did indeed have many different colored spots on his clothes and skin.

"An experiment," was the terse response. After the meal, Orrin leaned back in his chair.

Eragon looked at Murtagh and smiled, then addressed the king. "Was the meal satisfying to you?"

"Yes very," replied Orrin, patting his spotted stomach.

Murtagh spoke up, a wry smile on his lips. "You could say that it really hit the _spot._"

**~ ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY SEVEN ~**

Eragon was in the marketplace when he spotted Arya. He trotted over, and greeted her. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

Arya gave an exasperated sigh. "Oh, you know. Hunting elephants."

"Really?! Can I join?"

"No! I'm not actually hunting elephants! I'm shopping the market. What do you think I'd be doing?"

"Well…"

"No. Don't answer that. It was rhetorical and I don't want to know what's in that mind of yours."

**~ ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY EIGHT ~**

"Hey, Murty!" shouted Eragon, beckoning his half-brother over. "Look I found some ducks! I think they're hungry. What should we feed them?"

"I think," said Murtagh stroking his non-existent beard. "We should give them some _quackers_."

**~ ONE HUNDRED EIGHTY NINE ~**

"Angela, why are so crazy?"

"I'm not crazy, my reality is just different than yours."

**~ ONE HUNDRED NINETY ~**

"I'm afraid to ask," said Arya to Eragon. "But why is there a bear cub in your tent?"

Eragon grinned. "Well, you see, I was told by someone I should live a more austere life and that it would lead me to discover what is important. Now, I didn't know what fancy mumbo-jumbo word that guy was using so I asked. And being the nice fellow he was, he said that it's the bear necessities. Now _that's_ something I could understand. So I got myself a bear. I'm not sure how it helps me find the happiness in life, but I guess it's a cute little thing."

Arya shook her head in disappointment. "Eragon, there are two kinds of "bears." He meant the _bare_ necessities. As in barren, stark, empty."

"No, silly. There aren't two bears. There's only one. And it's in my tent."

**A/N: Ten more to go 'till 200! You know what to do! Yes, that's right review!**

**Tell me your fav(s), leave a suggestion, go have a candy bar as a reward, and pat yourself on the back for being alive.**

**If you read Lord of the Rings and Doctor Who fanfiction, I'm going to shamelessly promote my new crossover fic, _Akin_. "The Doctor, while tracking down an interesting bit of Void material, runs into Legolas, who is now living in present-day London. Throughout journeys through time and space the two learn that Time Lords and Elven Princes are more akin then they thought."**

**Happy New Year!**

**And remember: **"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." ~Unknown


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